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Alien: Skewed Bedtime TalesSkewed Bedtime Tales for the Despondent Babysitter
Compiled and edited by a despicable character of unknown origin.

I. Not by the Hair on My Chinny Chin Chin

The little pig sat comfortably in his little armchair, smoking his little corncob pipe, and reading a lovely book on straw and hay. The wind blew and the thatch that made up the little pig's ceiling rustled quietly. A slight little draft blew here and there from the little gaps in the walls of the pig's home. At times, the thick bales of straw shivered and the pig would bundle up in his cozy armchair, safe from relentless windy days. As the little pig sat, the corner of his eye caug

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Submitted: May 9, 2011
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Welcome to Texasby `Shoofly-Stock

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Well I'm sitting on the back porch enjoying the 92 degree heat and this MONSTER was apparently above me on the framework of the patio roof. It dropped on my shoulder, ran down my leg and ended up where you see it. I almost peed my pants. Now you know why I always wear a hat... we have huge spiders too that drop down looking for a way into the house.

There's about 40 of these Chameleons living here along with the snakes, dragon flies, mice, rats, squirrels and possums, and I live in a RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD! Not to mention the 25 varieties of birds. We have a family of Egrets who have their nest in the neighbors tree across the street. They start squawking and flying around at 6am every day for the past 10 years. Once in awhile they show up on my back porch railing and scare the hell out of me when I open the back door. They're 3 feet tall!

Anyway these lizards aren't dangerous. We have another variety that have teeth, are 1 foot long and will attack if they're provoked. It takes a pair of pliers to unhook their mouth from your finger - just like a crab!

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=KenSaunders May 10, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

Funny comments, but it sounds rather nice to be so close to all of that, well, some of that wildlife.

When I was a teen growing up in Florida, people used to hang these lizards from their ears.
Bizarre but funny and true.
Although, I don't remember their tails being so long.

Oh, when I was even younger growing up in New England, I paid $5 a piece for these in a pet shop, and had to feed them maggots that were kept in the refrigerator.

Then when I moved to Fla, they were running around all over in nature.

My poor mom had to put up with a lot of things having three boys.

`Shoofly-Stock May 11, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

Reminds me of when I was 10. I used to breed white mice and then release them in the woods. 1 got out of the cage while I was at school and my Mom was so terrified my Dad had to leave work 30 miles away and catch the mouse to put back in the cage

=KenSaunders May 11, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

*Rachelevans1013 May 10, 2011 Professional Writer

I had a number of these as pets over the years. They are great little dinosaurs

`Shoofly-Stock May 11, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

I could probably make a fortune catching them all, shipping up North and selling them

*Rachelevans1013 May 11, 2011 Professional Writer

woot woot! an empire in the making!

=teddybearcholla May 10, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

I used to love watching the Geckos when I lived in Arizona. They were all over the place!! I worked for a company cleaning apartments, between renters. I remember one, we opened the front door and it was full of roaches. They were falling from the ceiling. Well until they were cleared out, there was no point in cleaning the place!!

...This guy looks like he enjoyed having his pic taken, he was peeking at you ( top photo)!!

`Shoofly-Stock May 11, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

haha I snuck up on him but their eyes can see above them and almost behind them! We have Geckos too but they stay under the porch... seems they don't like the light. They always sneak into the house and I have to hunt them down

The roaches here are about 2 inches long and they can FLY! I had 1 fly at my face 1 day and I broke my glasses trying to get him off! I am terrified of those beasts!

~Aeltari May 10, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

How lovely, all the beasties you have around! We have mice. Nothing fun or special about them

Except they run amok at night and leave droppings on my counter which makes me so mad! I dont go to THEIR house and poop on THEIR counters!

`Shoofly-Stock May 10, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

I love mice! I used to have them as pets all the time growing up. When we bought our 1st house we had a mouse coming in and out of the burners on the stove during the night - using the hole behind the stove in the wall as escape. 2 words for you: mouse trap. He was dead in 1 day.

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